WZFISHER

Dear anxious soul, Yesterday was my first full day out of COVID quarantine. It did not go as planned. Somehow I got it in my mind this momentous day would be a complete return to normal. No symptoms. No headaches, dizziness, fatigue, coughing, etc. I was wrong. My first day out was not the first day feeling 100%.  And that's OK. What is NOT OK is having a restless night like I had last night. It’s making today tough. Ugh.  My first mistake was I forgot to take some sleep medicine. Then I was startled awake less than two hours later by a severely congested nose. My body was nice enough to use electro-shock paddles so it could give me its thoughts on suffocating. Yet I remained surprisingly calm. I’ve been here before. I successfully talked myself out of an anxiety cycle (win!) and then used my Netipot before climbing back into bed. This was mistake number two.  I rolled over and it started happening, Drainage like you wouldn't believe. Constant. I told myself it was just l...

"And he said to his servant, “Go up now, look toward the sea.” And he went up and looked and said, “There is nothing.” And he said, “Go again,” seven times. 44 And at the seventh time he said, “Behold, a little cloud like a man's hand is rising from the sea.” - 1 Kings 18:43-44 You think you know a room.  It’s been a part of your house since you moved in. You could easily describe it over the phone. A few doors. Couple windows. Rectangular here. Angular there. One color, then another. Furniture. Television. Typical.  But spend almost two weeks in it. Stuck in a stack of convalescence. Nowhere else to go. Eat there. Sleep there. Pray there. Struggle there. Walk its perimeter in the late hours. Longing for escape.  Over time, things begin to stand out. Features surprise. Paint is a different texture here. Blemished there. A scratch that only appears when the sunlight hits a certain way. This door frame is actually bigger than the other one. Noises emerge from what seemed si...

"The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” - Exodus 33:14 It's early morning. The sun is not even out yet. And I cannot sleep. Too scared. I dozed off for a cat nap and awoke with my typical dry cough but with a new sensation in my chest. Almost burning. Great.  All I could think was, "this is how the end begins". Here is proof my lungs are getting hit hard and I will develop double pneumonia and die. The resulting anxiety left me shivering and wondering. Is this normal? Is this my new normal? Deep breaths. In 4 through the nose. Out 7 through the mouth. Just like I did on all those turbulent airplanes. All of which landed, by the way. The spell has passed. Fluids helped. Pacing did too. Back to the cat naps.  By the time the sun was mid-sky, I learned a few other dear friends tested positive, while others were on the up side of their journey. Someone else got double pneumonia and was put on a ventilator. Though theirs wasn't COV...

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. Psalm 139: 7-8; 11-12 The doctor tells me I'm positive. Then he gives me every reason to be positive. "You're young and healthy", he points out. Another highly-decorated medical professional assures me the odds are ever in my favor. Right after she enumerates a medicinal protocol based on the latest research from peer-reviewed sources and established authorities. And then there are all the friends and friend-of-friends who beat it and shouted it out on Facebook. All signs point to a simple fact: I can get over COVID-19. But what the hell do they know? I'm the guy who did everything he could to avoid catching this stuff. I worke...